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am123

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Hello, I am wondering if anyone can help me out I want to begin a career in scaffolding but don't know where to begin. I am 22 and have been labouring for a year or two.
 
I can help you out mate

1 . Some kind of violence on your extensive criminal record, preferably with a slight niff of casual racism
.ie..kebab shop forgetting It was garlic mayo not just mayo so there shop front gets edl written on the unsmashed glass panel !

2 . An impending or recent divorce with some kind of weirdness to it but non of it your fault I.e. Explained in court papers how a donkey bumming a midget video was sent accidently to your mother in law when pics of the kids swimming should have been !

3 . Any kind of casual drug use with a upmost backing of its legalisation!

4 . A willingness to stand by your fellow scaffs to the death unless 12 sevens are on offer then your phone suddenly changes or blocks numbers and one out all out applies only to cricket!

5 . Getting p1ssed makes you better at driving...especially a wagon!

There are more commandments I will pass on if this doesn't scare you off ;)
 
joebag said:
I can help you out mate

1 . Some kind of violence on your extensive criminal record, preferably with a slight niff of casual racism
.ie..kebab shop forgetting It was garlic mayo not just mayo so there shop front gets edl written on the unsmashed glass panel !

2 . An impending or recent divorce with some kind of weirdness to it but non of it your fault I.e. Explained in court papers how a donkey bumming a midget video was sent accidently to your mother in law when pics of the kids swimming should have been !

3 . Any kind of casual drug use with a upmost backing of its legalisation!

4 . A willingness to stand by your fellow scaffs to the death unless 12 sevens are on offer then your phone suddenly changes or blocks numbers and one out all out applies only to cricket!

5 . Getting p1ssed makes you better at driving...especially a wagon!

There are more commandments I will pass on if this doesn't scare you off ;)
Click to expand...

Spoken like a true patriot :laugh::laugh: plus 6) calling women slags don't believe them they love it :laugh:
 
How much of a Scaffolder are you?

Scaffolder’s traits?



1, Tattoos on the forearm or neck.

2, A complete and utter lack of financial understanding and planning.

3, A mobile phone with a cracked screen.

4, At least a dozen Grandmothers (all of whom die on a Sunday night/Monday morning)

5, Had a stint in prison.

6, The unique ability to talk a complex structure (up and down and on the wagon) from the comfort of a bar stool.

7, A brother/cousin who "is on CAPES"

8, A surprisingly fit girlfriend.

9, Kids by at least 2 different partners.

10, Had worked on Corus.

11, Drives a battered old car with no tax, insurance or MOT.

12, Must be racist.

13, Wears joggers with holes where burned with disc cutter.

14, Must have illegible handwriting - like a Doctor.

15, The ability to swear at least 3 times in every sentence - and make it sound ok.

16, An inherent hatred of traffic wardens, the police, Judges, Magistrates, Site managers and most of all Bricklayers & their ex-wives and their ex-wives partners, families, families, pets etc.

17, Have a stupid, childish ringtone on his mobile phone.

18, Gets the” The Sun” for the sole purpose of looking at the scaffolding jobs (regardless of whether looking for work or not)

19, Spends every other night 'up all night with the little one' - even though their missus doesn't work.

20, Have an amazing ability to keep a straight face when saying 'what are we gonna get paid for Saturday?' - even though a complete moron could work out that absolutely nothing got done on the Saturday and they were clearly in the Wetherspoons at 11am.

21, Own a 'standard scaffolder’s issue phone' that runs out of battery at 3.30pm, every day.

23, Doesn’t realise that there is an echo when you ring your governor from a pub toilet.

24, Only ever does "drawing jobs" - but can't actually read one!

25, Works on a site with skips ,and waste bins everywhere but can't put the crisp bags, coke cans, fag packets, old scratch cards, copies of the Sun/Sport etc. into one of the said waste receptacles, preferring instead to leave it in the lorry so that it’s so dirty you need a tetanus jab to get in it.

26, Would walk miles to get to a cafe, but won't walk 50ft to get the gear because "I'm a ******* scaffolder, not a Donkey mate"

27, Will use any of the following items, Nail, bolts, old drill bit, bit of threaded rod, piece of wood or metal to knock in a Hilti M16 insert EVEN IF THEY HAD THE DRIFT

28, Would think nothing of carefully cutting out a patch of carefully erected monarflex, so as to be able to watch women below.

29, Will spend thousands on the latest flat screen TV but won't buy a new spanner, preferring to fix it with an old nail or the like.

30, Will wear boots that Robinson Crusoe wouldn't be seen in, unless on the cards and then DeWalt are the only boots acceptable.

31, Will ask endless stupid questions during a toolbox talk in your time to drag it out, but won't even breathe during a toolbox talk, at let’s say 4pm-ish!

32, Go to the shop for food after coming to work, even if they pass it on the way in.

33, Must own an aqua phone- rings the boss the instant a drop of rain hits it.

34, Must have the ability to drive to the job and back at 40 mph (motorway or not) and 90 mph if it's a job and knock

35, Think that supplied work clothes are of the disposable type to be left behind seats of lorry’s and in the canteen.

36, As used his CISRS card for chopping up coke more than he has for scaffolding purposes.

37, Will be able to text whilst carrying out any number of precarious tasks including, Driving, scaffolding, eating in the cafe, on the rope and wheel, talking on the landline

38, Will think nothing of bombing tonnes of gear into an area the size of a stamp rather than walking it 10 yards, so the whole area resembles a crow’s nest or giant game or Kerr-plunk with people everywhere dodging the tubes raining down from above, only to down tools should a speck of debris from another trade fall within 50ft of them.

39, Will take weeks to carry out a job whilst on day work, but hours if it’s job and knock.

40, Are able to park the lorry anywhere in Middlesbrough at any time for any reason "coz we're scaff’s mate.

41, Can get a lorry into any area, anywhere, if it means not walking the gear more than half a yard.

42, Have or will work on Middlesbrough Police Station at sometime between stints in Jail.

43, Insist you buy Nike Sweatshirts for them and then after 1 day they wear crappy old sweatshirts from their old firm claiming the new one you gave them is in the wash and they need another.

44, If a large, prestige job is mentioned by anyone, the words "yeah, I put that up" is muttered, following a pause not exceeding 0.015 seconds (even though it clearly took at crew of 12 blokes,
14 weeks to erect, during which time the scaffolder in question was doing house fronts for £80 a day, cash in hand.)

45, The supervisor was ALWAYS 'useless on the tools'

46, Is a fully certified and paid up member of 'The Monday Club'

47, Has a complete and utter lack of understanding of the difference between a half hitch and a clove hitch.

48, Whilst having a mandatory Stella and cocaine session in the local boozer on a Friday afternoon/evening, only multi lift hangars, apexed temporary roofs, flying shores or jobs exceeding 600ft high will be mentioned.



49, Thinks "scaffolder’s right" is an actual thing, and will use it to steal, borrow, filch, nick, take any building materials from site if carrying out a complex building job at home - Bricks and blocks, wood, tiles and slates the ever popular bags of cement (damp) sand, fridges and white goods, a dog and even a small rowing boat with ‘Property of North East Water’ clearly written on it.

50, Will take every single item from the yard that the rival gang needed, even if it’s not needed by them - just to **** them up!

51, Will ring up the yardman at 4.30 with a massive list you couldn't fit on the Titanic and utter the words "we need all that in the morning or we can't get on"

52, Will send back the above loaded lorry with the mearest amount used
proclaiming job done mate at 12.30 (usually Fridays).

53, Will take a ‘Colditz’ style chance to steal the yardman’s gloves or tape measure.

54, Over-order gloves and then sell the surplus on Redcar Car Boot for 50p a pair.

55, Think that anyone is actually impressed or cares that you 'did a flying shore on your advanced course' - Err, so just like everyone else then?...

56, Arrive on site at 8.15 and declare to a stressed site manager who’s desperate for a scaffold in double quick time "Don't worry mate, we're the A-Team" - and then promptly disappear to the cafe until 10am.

57, Think that the office girls over the road, and the gang of bricklayers on site will be impressed when you 'balance' a 21 on your chin.

58, Claim to be s**t hot at Topping Off and then when a lift with high Topper’s comes along, either, (1) - go for a dump, or (2) - Jump down and let the Part 1 do them.

59, Worked on all the big jobs in Teesside.

60, Thrown gear down so high it burst a gas pipe.

61, Fallen from over 20' high - but survived cause they were in the SAS.

62, Dropped a 21 on Borough Road in rush hour miraculously missing everyone.

63, Thinks the dash for the lorry is where you place your feet.

64, Thinks every bird must fancy him even when he as no hair and no teeth’. So then says “Morning Darling, fancy the Weekend on my boat?”

65, Thinks that materials are issued to scaffolding companies free of charge.

66, Randomly says "I spent 2 years on the rope and wheel before I was allowed any spanners" (even though you can clearly remember him spending £302.77 on EBay in a day after he received his first wage packet)

67, Asks for a sub 2 days after he receives his first wage packet

68, Thinks that diesel is issued to scaffolding companies free of charge....

69, Has a slate in his local boozer

70, Thinks that non-productive personnel are issued to scaffolding companies free of charge....

71, Has a forklift/cherry picker/first aid ticket "but it's expired" - "so you don't have a ticket then?" - "No, but I did have" - "That's a no then!"

72, If given the choice and it was "FREE" would still rather fill their Astra, or Escort van up with red diesel.

73, As considered, contemplated or tried to fit the 3.5 tonne lorry through the McDonald’s drive through.

74, As got really friendly with the site canteen lady, run up a massive bill on credit, then not paid her. And been heard laughing and muttering "fat old cow her sausages were Tesco’s white label anyway, she deserved it"

75, Has braved the coldest snow laden roads only to turn up in the yard, do a handbrake turn skimming the parked forklift being jump started, leapt out of the car to a barrage of snow balls, put up a stowic defence of the fitting bins, then breezed into the office declaring "you can't work out in this mate” its freezing and dangerous"

76,Used the forklift in the yard as a jack to change a wheel or bald tyre.

77, As forgotten how to tie a dolly knot.....

78, Thinks the contracts manger doesn't know anything about scaffolding..."That's why he's in the office!"

79, Thinks SG4:05 are "that new terminal at Teesside Airport Palmers is doing"

80, never realised you’re supposed to read and sign the method statement.

81, Has knocked one out over the office girl, regardless of what she looks like



82, As got drunk, and tried to tap “THE BOSS” up for a pay rise at the Christmas drink and will definitely have used the phrase "But we do loads more than them wan*errs" before running off with the kitty”.

83, Thinks that “THE TORBY” is an acceptable place to take the missus on their wedding anniversary.

84, As 'tubular artist' in the employment section of their Facebook profile.

85, Will never have enough knowledge to lie about a massive project they've never worked on - and wish they had of done, but will supplement it with the generic "Yeah, we just went over there for 3 days to do a hanger"

86, Item 85 will ALWAYS be a hanger.

87, Will have no idea that the fella they're telling lies to about item 85, was the project manager on that job 'they did the (imaginary) hanger on'.

88,Will over exaggerate by as much as 25% the gear used in the imaginary Hanger

89,Will have struck the above imaginary hanger by simply undoing the top fittings and letting it fall to the ground, or even better into a river, lake or the sea narrowly missing some valuable piece of machinery or ship.

90,Will let you fill in ,post off ,wait for weeks for a response to that application to work on a Police station, military installation, sensitive government building etc., before letting you know that the reason it’s not been accepted is that they have been inside a couple of times but didn't think it would matter if they forgot to put it in the box that said "Any previous convictions"

91,Can never just go out and have A Drink, has to get totally wasted and drink 20 pints of beer.

92,Will automatically criticise even the most tidy job in history by simply adding the phrase "I wouldn’t have braced it like that" or the ever popular "why did they base it out like that"

93, Will slag off the keenest labourer and insist they had it much harder and they could carry gear much further and so on.

94, Had a fight (and won) with his girlfriend’s ex fella at least once.

95, Gone down the yard, at least once just 'to beat up the supervisor'.

96, Never, ever, beaten up the supervisor.

97, Does not have any idea, whatsoever, what base plates are actually designed for.

98, Thinks an 'SK' is an acronym for 'steel klamp'.

99, Will happily go on his scaffold course rinsing you for every expense going, come back with a great big Portfolio, dump it on the supervisor desk, and beg him to fill it in. The second, its complete ask for another £20 a day
"cus now I'm qualified"

100, Will storm into the office when they see their wages are short claiming all the direct debits have bounced, and they can't pay their mortgage or rent and the firm short paid them big style, and then realise they were actually on holiday the previous week but had used up all of their holiday days not coming in on the 30 or so Mondays because one of their various grandparents had died (see item 4) or because they were on the p*ss.
 
am123 said:
Hello, I am wondering if anyone can help me out I want to begin a career in scaffolding but don't know where to begin. I am 22 and have been labouring for a year or two.
Click to expand...

Hers how it is

ie.

1 Nowt wrong with chasing the dragon
2 12 pint 7 days a week is good for the liver (Dr's talk sh1t)
3 Your best mates wife is game only your best mate will tell you this isn't true
4 Your racist towards ethnics (so what they hate you to , especially if your from Bradford)
5 Your best mates mother is also game
6 You hate youtube videos of how to build a staircase
8 You never paid for your own visa to go work in Algeria
9
You did JG's wife while he filmed you (your now a gold card contender)
10 You rubbed your **** in a zonal supervisors cuppa soup ( you are now instructor material)
 
TEESSIDE SCAFFOLDER said:
How much of a Scaffolder are you?

Scaffolder’s traits?



1, Tattoos on the forearm or neck.

2, A complete and utter lack of financial understanding and planning.

3, A mobile phone with a cracked screen.

4, At least a dozen Grandmothers (all of whom die on a Sunday night/Monday morning)

5, Had a stint in prison.

6, The unique ability to talk a complex structure (up and down and on the wagon) from the comfort of a bar stool.

7, A brother/cousin who "is on CAPES"

8, A surprisingly fit girlfriend.

9, Kids by at least 2 different partners.

10, Had worked on Corus.

11, Drives a battered old car with no tax, insurance or MOT.

12, Must be racist.

13, Wears joggers with holes where burned with disc cutter.

14, Must have illegible handwriting - like a Doctor.

15, The ability to swear at least 3 times in every sentence - and make it sound ok.

16, An inherent hatred of traffic wardens, the police, Judges, Magistrates, Site managers and most of all Bricklayers & their ex-wives and their ex-wives partners, families, families, pets etc.

17, Have a stupid, childish ringtone on his mobile phone.

18, Gets the” The Sun” for the sole purpose of looking at the scaffolding jobs (regardless of whether looking for work or not)

19, Spends every other night 'up all night with the little one' - even though their missus doesn't work.

20, Have an amazing ability to keep a straight face when saying 'what are we gonna get paid for Saturday?' - even though a complete moron could work out that absolutely nothing got done on the Saturday and they were clearly in the Wetherspoons at 11am.

21, Own a 'standard scaffolder’s issue phone' that runs out of battery at 3.30pm, every day.

23, Doesn’t realise that there is an echo when you ring your governor from a pub toilet.

24, Only ever does "drawing jobs" - but can't actually read one!

25, Works on a site with skips ,and waste bins everywhere but can't put the crisp bags, coke cans, fag packets, old scratch cards, copies of the Sun/Sport etc. into one of the said waste receptacles, preferring instead to leave it in the lorry so that it’s so dirty you need a tetanus jab to get in it.

26, Would walk miles to get to a cafe, but won't walk 50ft to get the gear because "I'm a ******* scaffolder, not a Donkey mate"

27, Will use any of the following items, Nail, bolts, old drill bit, bit of threaded rod, piece of wood or metal to knock in a Hilti M16 insert EVEN IF THEY HAD THE DRIFT

28, Would think nothing of carefully cutting out a patch of carefully erected monarflex, so as to be able to watch women below.

29, Will spend thousands on the latest flat screen TV but won't buy a new spanner, preferring to fix it with an old nail or the like.

30, Will wear boots that Robinson Crusoe wouldn't be seen in, unless on the cards and then DeWalt are the only boots acceptable.

31, Will ask endless stupid questions during a toolbox talk in your time to drag it out, but won't even breathe during a toolbox talk, at let’s say 4pm-ish!

32, Go to the shop for food after coming to work, even if they pass it on the way in.

33, Must own an aqua phone- rings the boss the instant a drop of rain hits it.

34, Must have the ability to drive to the job and back at 40 mph (motorway or not) and 90 mph if it's a job and knock

35, Think that supplied work clothes are of the disposable type to be left behind seats of lorry’s and in the canteen.

36, As used his CISRS card for chopping up coke more than he has for scaffolding purposes.

37, Will be able to text whilst carrying out any number of precarious tasks including, Driving, scaffolding, eating in the cafe, on the rope and wheel, talking on the landline

38, Will think nothing of bombing tonnes of gear into an area the size of a stamp rather than walking it 10 yards, so the whole area resembles a crow’s nest or giant game or Kerr-plunk with people everywhere dodging the tubes raining down from above, only to down tools should a speck of debris from another trade fall within 50ft of them.

39, Will take weeks to carry out a job whilst on day work, but hours if it’s job and knock.

40, Are able to park the lorry anywhere in Middlesbrough at any time for any reason "coz we're scaff’s mate.

41, Can get a lorry into any area, anywhere, if it means not walking the gear more than half a yard.

42, Have or will work on Middlesbrough Police Station at sometime between stints in Jail.

43, Insist you buy Nike Sweatshirts for them and then after 1 day they wear crappy old sweatshirts from their old firm claiming the new one you gave them is in the wash and they need another.

44, If a large, prestige job is mentioned by anyone, the words "yeah, I put that up" is muttered, following a pause not exceeding 0.015 seconds (even though it clearly took at crew of 12 blokes,
14 weeks to erect, during which time the scaffolder in question was doing house fronts for £80 a day, cash in hand.)

45, The supervisor was ALWAYS 'useless on the tools'

46, Is a fully certified and paid up member of 'The Monday Club'

47, Has a complete and utter lack of understanding of the difference between a half hitch and a clove hitch.

48, Whilst having a mandatory Stella and cocaine session in the local boozer on a Friday afternoon/evening, only multi lift hangars, apexed temporary roofs, flying shores or jobs exceeding 600ft high will be mentioned.



49, Thinks "scaffolder’s right" is an actual thing, and will use it to steal, borrow, filch, nick, take any building materials from site if carrying out a complex building job at home - Bricks and blocks, wood, tiles and slates the ever popular bags of cement (damp) sand, fridges and white goods, a dog and even a small rowing boat with ‘Property of North East Water’ clearly written on it.

50, Will take every single item from the yard that the rival gang needed, even if it’s not needed by them - just to **** them up!

51, Will ring up the yardman at 4.30 with a massive list you couldn't fit on the Titanic and utter the words "we need all that in the morning or we can't get on"

52, Will send back the above loaded lorry with the mearest amount used
proclaiming job done mate at 12.30 (usually Fridays).

53, Will take a ‘Colditz’ style chance to steal the yardman’s gloves or tape measure.

54, Over-order gloves and then sell the surplus on Redcar Car Boot for 50p a pair.

55, Think that anyone is actually impressed or cares that you 'did a flying shore on your advanced course' - Err, so just like everyone else then?...

56, Arrive on site at 8.15 and declare to a stressed site manager who’s desperate for a scaffold in double quick time "Don't worry mate, we're the A-Team" - and then promptly disappear to the cafe until 10am.

57, Think that the office girls over the road, and the gang of bricklayers on site will be impressed when you 'balance' a 21 on your chin.

58, Claim to be s**t hot at Topping Off and then when a lift with high Topper’s comes along, either, (1) - go for a dump, or (2) - Jump down and let the Part 1 do them.

59, Worked on all the big jobs in Teesside.

60, Thrown gear down so high it burst a gas pipe.

61, Fallen from over 20' high - but survived cause they were in the SAS.

62, Dropped a 21 on Borough Road in rush hour miraculously missing everyone.

63, Thinks the dash for the lorry is where you place your feet.

64, Thinks every bird must fancy him even when he as no hair and no teeth’. So then says “Morning Darling, fancy the Weekend on my boat?”

65, Thinks that materials are issued to scaffolding companies free of charge.

66, Randomly says "I spent 2 years on the rope and wheel before I was allowed any spanners" (even though you can clearly remember him spending £302.77 on EBay in a day after he received his first wage packet)

67, Asks for a sub 2 days after he receives his first wage packet

68, Thinks that diesel is issued to scaffolding companies free of charge....

69, Has a slate in his local boozer

70, Thinks that non-productive personnel are issued to scaffolding companies free of charge....

71, Has a forklift/cherry picker/first aid ticket "but it's expired" - "so you don't have a ticket then?" - "No, but I did have" - "That's a no then!"

72, If given the choice and it was "FREE" would still rather fill their Astra, or Escort van up with red diesel.

73, As considered, contemplated or tried to fit the 3.5 tonne lorry through the McDonald’s drive through.

74, As got really friendly with the site canteen lady, run up a massive bill on credit, then not paid her. And been heard laughing and muttering "fat old cow her sausages were Tesco’s white label anyway, she deserved it"

75, Has braved the coldest snow laden roads only to turn up in the yard, do a handbrake turn skimming the parked forklift being jump started, leapt out of the car to a barrage of snow balls, put up a stowic defence of the fitting bins, then breezed into the office declaring "you can't work out in this mate” its freezing and dangerous"

76,Used the forklift in the yard as a jack to change a wheel or bald tyre.

77, As forgotten how to tie a dolly knot.....

78, Thinks the contracts manger doesn't know anything about scaffolding..."That's why he's in the office!"

79, Thinks SG4:05 are "that new terminal at Teesside Airport Palmers is doing"

80, never realised you’re supposed to read and sign the method statement.

81, Has knocked one out over the office girl, regardless of what she looks like



82, As got drunk, and tried to tap “THE BOSS” up for a pay rise at the Christmas drink and will definitely have used the phrase "But we do loads more than them wan*errs" before running off with the kitty”.

83, Thinks that “THE TORBY” is an acceptable place to take the missus on their wedding anniversary.

84, As 'tubular artist' in the employment section of their Facebook profile.

85, Will never have enough knowledge to lie about a massive project they've never worked on - and wish they had of done, but will supplement it with the generic "Yeah, we just went over there for 3 days to do a hanger"

86, Item 85 will ALWAYS be a hanger.

87, Will have no idea that the fella they're telling lies to about item 85, was the project manager on that job 'they did the (imaginary) hanger on'.

88,Will over exaggerate by as much as 25% the gear used in the imaginary Hanger

89,Will have struck the above imaginary hanger by simply undoing the top fittings and letting it fall to the ground, or even better into a river, lake or the sea narrowly missing some valuable piece of machinery or ship.

90,Will let you fill in ,post off ,wait for weeks for a response to that application to work on a Police station, military installation, sensitive government building etc., before letting you know that the reason it’s not been accepted is that they have been inside a couple of times but didn't think it would matter if they forgot to put it in the box that said "Any previous convictions"

91,Can never just go out and have A Drink, has to get totally wasted and drink 20 pints of beer.

92,Will automatically criticise even the most tidy job in history by simply adding the phrase "I wouldn’t have braced it like that" or the ever popular "why did they base it out like that"

93, Will slag off the keenest labourer and insist they had it much harder and they could carry gear much further and so on.

94, Had a fight (and won) with his girlfriend’s ex fella at least once.

95, Gone down the yard, at least once just 'to beat up the supervisor'.

96, Never, ever, beaten up the supervisor.

97, Does not have any idea, whatsoever, what base plates are actually designed for.

98, Thinks an 'SK' is an acronym for 'steel klamp'.

99, Will happily go on his scaffold course rinsing you for every expense going, come back with a great big Portfolio, dump it on the supervisor desk, and beg him to fill it in. The second, its complete ask for another £20 a day
"cus now I'm qualified"

100, Will storm into the office when they see their wages are short claiming all the direct debits have bounced, and they can't pay their mortgage or rent and the firm short paid them big style, and then realise they were actually on holiday the previous week but had used up all of their holiday days not coming in on the 30 or so Mondays because one of their various grandparents had died (see item 4) or because they were on the p*ss.
Click to expand...

Someone has modified that slightly to make it appear like it was written by a northerner!

'Toppers' leave it out, mate!
 
Phil, southerners can only count to 24 using there webbed toes and fingers , we have ferrets and whippets to use like an abacus !:confused:
 
joebag said:
Phil, southerners can only count to 24 using there webbed toes and fingers , we have ferrets and whippets to use like an abacus !:confused:
Click to expand...

All I am saying is that a lot of the items have been modified slightly.

Trad had been changed to Cape. Hemps to toppers, Romford market to Redcar market.

Just an observation, but whoever changed it is pretty sad.
 
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