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HatterScaff
8th October 2010, 08:21 AM
:cry:
TENDER SUBMISSION:
A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

TENDER SUM:
A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

SUCCESSFUL TENDERER:
A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

ARCHITECT:
A man who knows very little about a great deal, and keeps knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about everything.

CONSULTING ENGINEER:
A man who knows a great deal about very little, and goes on knowing more and more about less and less until he knows practically everything about nothing.

QUANTITY SURVEYORS:
People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.

LAWYERS:
People who go in after the Quantity Surveyors and strip the bodies.

COST PLAN ESTIMATE:
The cost of construction in heaven.

MANAGEMENT CONTRACT:
The technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

COMPLETION DATE:
The point at which liquidated damages begin.

LIQUIDATED DAMAGES:
A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

SUB-CONTRACTOR:
A gambler, who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

CONTRACTOR:
A man who starts out knowing practically everything, but ends up knowing nothing due to his association with Architects and Consulting Engineers.

ENGINEER:
They save lives - fortunately they weren't smart enough to go on and become Doctors.

BMB
8th October 2010, 08:23 AM
Thats quality...

scaffy
8th October 2010, 01:37 PM
spot on

scaffman1
8th October 2010, 03:33 PM
Great stuff hatterscaff.

thomas66
8th October 2010, 03:45 PM
hilarious mate love the one about surveyors spot on

scaff22
8th October 2010, 07:27 PM
excellent. bang on nd dead rite on all accounts.

philliosmaximus
8th October 2010, 09:18 PM
hahahahaha love it :laugh: so true